Wedding prep..

I don't even know what to write here! I got a lot of stuff done, and am just kinda waiting for the big day! Stevie is coming in tomorrow, so I am looking forward to the help.. We still have to move furniture, clean some more, and get things prepped. "Rehersal" is thursday night- the whole event is going to be a blessing, I just know it! wish me luck!

Tuesday birthday, Thursday log : )

So my birthday was on Tuesday and I feel bad that I didn't post anything that day. But in the way of time, it seems as though I am running extremely thin..beware, this one will be long..
Anyway, as far as birthdays go, I rather enjoyed this one. I let the Lord just take over my day, and let Him dictate the events of the day as well.I was extremely at peace at didn't seek to get any one's attention on my big day. This is odd for me, because I always looked forward to my birthday because it was MY day.. The day was all about me, and I thought that it was well deserved.
Well, This year was different..soooo different. I was simply grateful for the people that picked up the phone to wish me a happy birthday! It was such a relief not getting disappointed when nobody called, or didn't say anything, or forgot completely. This day God gave me a pretty special gift I think. He opened my eyes to the things that are usually unseen. The acts of kindness and gifts of Love that come from people that truly care about you. Here's what I mean:
My day started at about 5:45am. I got a phone call from one of my very favorite people- My sister! She had to be the first one to wish me a happy birthday, and I was so glad that she took the time to call me asap in the morning. I just love her.
Then, My mom came in my room as she had every year as far back as I can remember. As you can tell, my family makes a big deal of birthdays, and we have adopted a tradition of being the first of the first to wish each other a very special day. This tradition was institutionalized by my mother, so it always brings a certain aspect of comfort for me on that day. Anyway, this year was no different. She came into my room with a bubbly (and all so intrusive when you are half asleep) "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Followed by a climb into bed with me, and a warm hug. I should point out that my mom is not always overly affectionate, as she likes to give us our space, so this is also an expected and welcome treat. Mom affectionately tells me happy birthday again, smiles, and then quietly asks "where did my baby go?" I smiled back and said.."I don't know mom." and we laugh.
Mom exits the room, and a few minutes later my daughter comes in..."happy birthday mom" she says in a slight whisper..the sound echoes through my ear and i am overcome with happiness. She climbs into bed with me, and we sit there cuddling for a few moments. Time to get up! I said, and we went on with are usually morning routine..
There were some phone calls from good friends, and i was relieved to know they hadn't forgotten about me. it is sooo sweet to know you are loved. Here's where it gets even better:
Around 11am i get a phone call from the flower guy. "Flowers?" I said. He followed with a "Tawn Williams right?" YES! I knew who sent them to me..My wonderful Fiance! I should take a side note here and tell you that no boyfriend I have ever had has gotten my flowers, so this was really special to me.
Well, not only does he know me, but he KNOWS me! I am not especially girlie, so just because our relationship is really very awesome, he sent me the girliest flowers in the world. Attached with a balloon and a teddy bear! I wanted to melt when I saw them because I know that he picked them just for me. It's amazing what God can do when you let him.. Stevie has been such a blessing to me, and really showed me what loving someone is about. it's not about the things you give, but about the love in your heart when you give them- he really is the best!
I was on cloud 9 when my friend from high school called me and asked me what I was going to do for dinner. I replied, with a enthusiastic "nothing" "I want to take you out!" she says, and we set a time. I really love this friend because we have been through some tough times, and she really knows me for who I am. I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing that dinner was, and she got me an amazing gift!
I just couldn't stop praising God after that day..it was the best thing He could have done for me. I appreciate so much when God lets me see the beautiful things that surround me. I may not have gotten a big hurrah, or lots of gifts, or a special something with a ton of people..I got something better. The realization that people really do care about be, and the love i felt on my birthday has been a blessing that God gave me each and everyday. It was not that different than any other day, and I think that is the greatest gift of all!

We're Back!

Yup, My friend and I...we're back!You would have to know the whole back story, but we hit a rough spot in our friendship, and I think we are well on our way to recovery! I thought about this today after talking to her. She knows who she is, and I am so thankful for her this day! I often have a hard time telling people how I feel about them, as I have come face to face with this in planning for the wedding. I'm just hard-wired that way. I'm uncomfortable putting myself out there, in fear of sounding stupid, or just not getting the feelings reciprocated. But who cares, I am dealing with a lot so i may as well let this one go too right? Continuing, said friend and I had a misunderstanding, and I feared that our friendship would never be the same. How I longed for us just to go back to the way things were...she is a new friend, so I don't know her as well I i wish to, and I feared that our dear friendship may have been seriously damaged. This saddened me, as I have had 2 really great friends that I lost touch with for wayyy to long. They, coincidentally are wonderful friends of friends of mine to this day. Makes this seem even more ridiculous doesn't it? Yeah I know. I talked to her today, and we are on our way back to being great friends! She is helping me with some wonderful goodies for my wedding and I am so thankful for her. Here's to a life long friendship!

Blessed..

This morning when I was putting on my makeup, the word "blessed" came to mind. I thought to myself- What does it mean to be blessed? You can start at the most obvious things like financial security, family, friends. But what does it mean to truly be blessed? I know I will have a hard time explaining this one, so bear with me....
I got to thinking how scripture teaches us that God will Bless whom He will bless, all according to His purpose.Last week, God revealed to me that I have a jealous and sometimes envious heart-I want the best for everyone, but I find myself thinking- what about me? Why can't I be this way, or that way- just like so and so? I guard what I have so preciously, and I searched to find out how I became that way. My thoughts wandered back to my childhood- I remembered that growing up, I felt like I was always in my sisters shadow. I always wanted what she had, to do what she does, because lets call it like it is- I thought what she had was better. The plain truth is that my sister is amazing at just about everything, and I saw how much my parents were proud of her. She did better in school, was really good at horse back riding, and even had a prettier name- all according to me. And here we go- The "what about me" attitude was born. Yes, my dad wanted the best for me, but it often turned into a "you could do better" talk instead of an encouraging one. I set out in life early to be the best at everything I could, but I never could reach the standards I set for myself. I was constantly seeking the much needed approval from my parents, and even my wonderful sister. You would have to understand that I always compared myself to others so easily, and my sister was an easy target because I loved her so wonderfully. well here is the harshness in all this- this is LIFE we are talking about Tawn! I soon began to see that everyone I met surpassed me effortlessly. It was so frustrating and so often disheartening, that many times I thought who cares anyway? I don't have much to give anyone, and the goals I set for myself were so unreachable! Soon I started to believe that I would never be anything great, which is exactly where my adversary would like to keep me. Good thing there is no force greater than God, and He had to face me with a tough one last week. We hate to see the dirt that lay within us, but it caused me to break down and give this to Him..it was the only way. I was tired of trying to be someone else, tired of trying to live up to the expectations I set for myself. I mean God made me and last time I checked, He didn't make mistakes.. so I finally said "ok Lord, take me-do what you must..I can't do it any more"and I was Blessed. He said to me "Get up child. I will help you through this. you are mine, and I will make you who I need you to be. Why can't you see, you have already been blessed.Trust Me, and I will carry you through." The words changed me. I instantly felt better, and the Lord helped me see: I am getting married to a wonderful man, I have a beautiful daughter that is wonderful- another beautiful daughter that is full of love and joy, a mother who still wishes to give me all that she has, and a family that is healthy and living this day. I am blessed. I have so much more than I deserve, and if anything-at the very bare minimum, I have God. Jesus my Lord and Savior, and no one can snatch me from the palm of His hands. Me!? Now that is a blessing. He has set me apart, and if that doesn't make me feel important, I don't know what would.The God of all creation- of Heaven and Earth, called me to be His child! I just can't believe it- Everyday I am blessed just being able to call God my friend, to talk to Him when I am weary, and to thank him when He lifts me up. Just knowing that He is there for me- THAT is what being blessed is all about. Yes, He will bless whom He will bless, and my blessings may look different that my brothers or sisters, but I find comfort in simply knowing that He loves me. that feeling can never be replaced. So listen, I encourage you all to talk to God about the blessings in your life- Even if you aren't an avid church go-er, talk to God, and He will recount your blessings to you-thank Him for all He has done, praise Him for blessing you when you never deserved to be blessed in the first place. God is good!

It's been a rough night....

Well last night was one of the hardest nights I've had in a really long time..I was so emotionally struck down that I think I cried harder than I have in a long, long, time. The hurtin' for this one comes two fold- not only do I totally HATE crying, it makes matters worse when I wake up the next morning with seriously swollen eyes. ugh. I was going to post of picture of it, but decided it was too horrible to expose you to. Just to give you a glimpse- It looks like I either ate something that I was allergic to, or i just got punched square in the eye..but without the blackness. I was mortified! Also, I woke up to an unbelievably searing headache- (again, probably a common side effect of not crying like that in years, and bawling until my face was so soaked I actually had to grab a towel).Embarrassing. Now this may not sound funny to you, but this story has a definite UP. Here is comes..crying made me calm myself into a place where i could just talk to God and ask Him to take over everything that was bothering me. The sadness, the pain, the anger- and just grant me peace. And you know what? He did. Just like that! His Holy Spirit encompassed me and i felt at peace right away. I wasn't sad, and I was able to see the situation for what it was. I'm always wondering if something could happen that fast..Not that I think God couldn't do it, but I sometimes wondered if He heard me. God is so amazing, He knows what I need and when I sincerely asks, He gives it to me. This reminded of one of my favorite passages:
Matthew 7:7-8 (New King James Version)
7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

I've always loved this passage because it gives me hope. When we truly seek, we find. When we sincerely ask, He will give it to you. God wants us to grow. Sometimes it hurts like a morning migraine and eyes that hurt to blink out of, but most importantly the pruning process is a painful one. The great thing is God holds you when your weak, and when you think you are at your most dire, He steps in. "Welcome Home" I say- Please- come and make your home with me. : )

It's been a while..

I haven't posted in a week..so sue me. I have been crazy busy with what people call one of the most impotant days of your life- my wedding. Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited, I just feel like I have a lot of details to uncover and plan out in a very short space of time.
"Everything is supposed to be low key honey,
don't worry about it honey,
it will all work out honey"..
OH YEAH? how does this stuff magically get done without anyone actually doing it? Is there a tiny wedding fairy that waves her magic wand, and poofs up the perfect amount of food, tables, chairs and accessories? because if there is, she flew RIGHT past my house, and I need to contact her asap! I din't think so..So since there is no wedding fairy,I will hash it all out myself. Let's see: I started my weekend with a well equipped list of things i wanted to accomplish before my workweek started. I had to:

1. Get jewlery for my wedding outfit-didnt happen. NOBODY had anything with color in it..or anything remotely like what i wanted

2. I had to get something for my dear friend Rebecca. I did that! I was so happy I found what I was looking for, and I think she really enjoyed it. It was nice to take the time to really think about the person you are shopping for, so I had to seperate my mindset to find something perfect- anyway i walked away with something very lovely.

3. I had to get a hairpiece for my updo- long story short- done.

4. I wanted to look at alternative shoes- didn't find any. Once again, nobody likes color this time of year.

and the list goes on. Well, I wrapped up my saturday with pretty much everything on my list complete, so my sunday was available and free to focus on God- Church was amazing as usual, and after that i went to the christian store to pick up something for my fiance. I was so proud that I had everything done, and I was sharing with him the accounts of the day before. Here's where the store takes a turn..I'm on the phone with Mr. Right when he mentions that we should probably send out invitations! Did I mention my wedding is in 3 weeks? This is like throwing a nuclear bomb on my well-organized,happy little sunday! I took a deep breath and kindly said ok, and then proceeded to have silent PANIC attack right there in the middle of the store! I rushed out of there, called my friend becky and told her that I was in desperate need of a printer, and creative help. She was on it, and I was on my way. After stopping at a much needed starbucks, I ran into her house and got to work. We had some trouble with the wording and font, but it ended up wonderful. She made a comment about how unstoppable we are and then followed it with an interesting "it's like we feed each other greatness". I laughed and then realized that I didn't have a nice pen or a gluegun(which was needed for the ridiculous wax seals that i bought)so..Becky and I made a stint to target-us, and all our greatness too. Then, BACK to her house to apply wax seals, address envelopes, and figure out the mess that is wedding invitaion "who gets what". Oh well, they are all done now, and I sent some off this morning as scheduled! I am more than happy with the results, and I walked away with a brand new appreciation for the term "best friend"..Thanks Becky and Wish me luck!

Well, I'm in love...again.

No offense to my soon to be husband, but I am totally in love with this bike! My sister bought this awesome piece for me for my upcoming birthday.I'm so excited because I haven't had a bike since I was probably 12, so this is major. I have been scoping out bike bells and baskets, to juiceup this pretty little thing. I have also decided to name her "Mona". On the inside middle of on the inside middle bar it says: "Art in Motion" so I thought Mona, as in Mona Lisa was fitting . She is soo adorable, and I can't wait to start my many new adventures with her!