Blessed..

This morning when I was putting on my makeup, the word "blessed" came to mind. I thought to myself- What does it mean to be blessed? You can start at the most obvious things like financial security, family, friends. But what does it mean to truly be blessed? I know I will have a hard time explaining this one, so bear with me....
I got to thinking how scripture teaches us that God will Bless whom He will bless, all according to His purpose.Last week, God revealed to me that I have a jealous and sometimes envious heart-I want the best for everyone, but I find myself thinking- what about me? Why can't I be this way, or that way- just like so and so? I guard what I have so preciously, and I searched to find out how I became that way. My thoughts wandered back to my childhood- I remembered that growing up, I felt like I was always in my sisters shadow. I always wanted what she had, to do what she does, because lets call it like it is- I thought what she had was better. The plain truth is that my sister is amazing at just about everything, and I saw how much my parents were proud of her. She did better in school, was really good at horse back riding, and even had a prettier name- all according to me. And here we go- The "what about me" attitude was born. Yes, my dad wanted the best for me, but it often turned into a "you could do better" talk instead of an encouraging one. I set out in life early to be the best at everything I could, but I never could reach the standards I set for myself. I was constantly seeking the much needed approval from my parents, and even my wonderful sister. You would have to understand that I always compared myself to others so easily, and my sister was an easy target because I loved her so wonderfully. well here is the harshness in all this- this is LIFE we are talking about Tawn! I soon began to see that everyone I met surpassed me effortlessly. It was so frustrating and so often disheartening, that many times I thought who cares anyway? I don't have much to give anyone, and the goals I set for myself were so unreachable! Soon I started to believe that I would never be anything great, which is exactly where my adversary would like to keep me. Good thing there is no force greater than God, and He had to face me with a tough one last week. We hate to see the dirt that lay within us, but it caused me to break down and give this to Him..it was the only way. I was tired of trying to be someone else, tired of trying to live up to the expectations I set for myself. I mean God made me and last time I checked, He didn't make mistakes.. so I finally said "ok Lord, take me-do what you must..I can't do it any more"and I was Blessed. He said to me "Get up child. I will help you through this. you are mine, and I will make you who I need you to be. Why can't you see, you have already been blessed.Trust Me, and I will carry you through." The words changed me. I instantly felt better, and the Lord helped me see: I am getting married to a wonderful man, I have a beautiful daughter that is wonderful- another beautiful daughter that is full of love and joy, a mother who still wishes to give me all that she has, and a family that is healthy and living this day. I am blessed. I have so much more than I deserve, and if anything-at the very bare minimum, I have God. Jesus my Lord and Savior, and no one can snatch me from the palm of His hands. Me!? Now that is a blessing. He has set me apart, and if that doesn't make me feel important, I don't know what would.The God of all creation- of Heaven and Earth, called me to be His child! I just can't believe it- Everyday I am blessed just being able to call God my friend, to talk to Him when I am weary, and to thank him when He lifts me up. Just knowing that He is there for me- THAT is what being blessed is all about. Yes, He will bless whom He will bless, and my blessings may look different that my brothers or sisters, but I find comfort in simply knowing that He loves me. that feeling can never be replaced. So listen, I encourage you all to talk to God about the blessings in your life- Even if you aren't an avid church go-er, talk to God, and He will recount your blessings to you-thank Him for all He has done, praise Him for blessing you when you never deserved to be blessed in the first place. God is good!